Fuck your Notion templates that took longer to set up than actually doing the work. Fuck your 27 different colored highlighters for "time blocking" - you're not mapping the genome, you're writing a grocery list. Fuck your morning routine that starts at 4AM. The only thing you're optimizing is your caffeine addiction and sleep deprivation. Fuck your pomodoro timer. If I wanted to live my life in 25-minute chunks, I'd go back to high school. Fuck your inbox zero - emails multiply like rabbits anyway. Who are you trying to impress? Fuck your 17 different productivity apps that all sync together in some ungodly digital centipede. You spend more time maintaining this shit than actually working. Fuck "deep work" when you can't even focus long enough to finish reading this post without checking your phone. Fuck your habit tracker that's giving you anxiety because you missed one day of meditation and now your perfect streak is ruined. Here's what actually works: Do the fucking thing. That's it. Stop reading productivity on Medium. Stop watching YouTubers tell you how they organize their day in 15-minute intervals. Stop buying notebooks that cost more than your hourly rate. You know what made our parents productive? They just sat down and did the work. They didn't need an app to tell them to drink water or take a break. They didn't have "productivity workflows" or "second brains." They had a pen, paper, and shit to do. Want to be productive? Here's your system: Write down what needs to get done Do the hardest thing first Everything else is bonus That's it. That's the whole system. Not sexy enough? Doesn't cost $99/month? Tough shit. Every time you add another layer to your "productivity stack," you're just adding another excuse to procrastinate. Another thing to tweak. Another reason to not do the actual work. You don't need a better system. You need to sit your ass down and work. Turn off notifications. Close the browser tabs. Put your phone in another room. And just fucking work. And for the love of god, stop reading productivity subreddits (yes, including this one). The irony of procrastinating by reading about how to stop procrastinating isn't lost on me. Now go do something useful instead of reading this. And if this post helped you procrastinate for 5 minutes, well... fuck you too. ❤️